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InLoveWithACatholicWhoDoesn'tBelieve wrote:

Hi All,

I am a Catholic girl of age 26. I've been in a relationship with a guy of my age who is also a Catholic but he does not believe in attending Sunday Mass nor does he believe in the sacrament of Matrimony.

He may attend Mass when he feels like it . . . for Christmas or Easter. He may visit a church and pray for five minutes. When the topic of fixing a wedding date came up, he mentioned he prefers a civil wedding. I, on the other hand, will not settle for anything other a Marriage in a church.

I'm confused now. I love him with all my heart. I need help.

  • Will I be doing the right thing if I call this off?

InLoveWithACatholic. . .

  { Since he has no interest in his faith or the sacrament of Matrimony, should I still marry him? }

Paul replied:

Dear InLoveWithACatholic. . . ,

Yours is a not directly a doctrinal question, but one of prudence, so I will give you my take and perhaps some of my colleagues will give theirs too.

Boiling the issue down, this seems like a case of choosing between your love for God and your love for your boyfriend.

The question of which love is greater relates to the First of the Ten Commandments, i.e. putting God first priority in one's life, and is also found in Gospel passages where Jesus warns against loving things and people — even family members — more than God. (e.g. . .

Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.

Matthew 10:37

Having said that, it doesn't mean to give up on the situation. Continue to persuade, evangelize, catechize, and pray for him. In the meantime, keep a safe emotional and physical distance. Intimacy must be reserved only for marriage and, as a practical measure, wrapping your heart around someone who may not end up being your spouse is never a good idea — for one's self or one's future marriage.

Remember, the marriage that really counts, which will never end, is our covenantal union with Christ. Human marriage is meant to be but a clear reflection of that, helping to lead each spouse to Heaven.

Peace and Happy Easter,


InLoveWithACatholic. . . replied:

Thank you so much for your thoughts Paul.

I will try my best. I guess I need the mental strength. We have been in an on-off relationship for eight years. My parents restricted us from dating or seeing each other. Though he appeared to respect my decision to obey my parents, he was not happy. We managed to meet in secret a couple of times a year. He wanted to have sex but I wanted us to wait until marriage. He accepted that decision too but made fun about my strict Catholic views and said I should be a nun.

He and his family became estranged from the local parish few years ago, when his brother was refused permission to marry a Muslim. They were able to get married in a Catholic Church in Australia even though she didn't convert. They just had to sign an agreement to christen their kids in the future. I don't know if there is a section in the canon law that allows this.

Because the Bishop in our hometown did not allow such an arrangement to take place, their whole family has developed a hatred towards the Bishop and priests and think that the churches here are too strict. This affects me because the Bishop is my grand uncle.

He has now left the country for higher studies in Australia. He says the Catholic Church is more liberal (e.g. marriage courses and church formalities) there, than the one in our hometown, and he suggested getting married in Australia. I don't know how practical that would be.

We are clinging on to each other in spite of a lot of differences. I never wanted to be the girl to give up on a relationship and I have always prayed that God would walk into his life someday.

I'm sorry for taking up your time. I know you guys will have important questions to attend to.

Please pray for me and his family.

I appreciate all the help!

Thank you again and have a blessed Easter!

InLoveWithACatholic. . .

Bob replied:

InLoveWithACatholic. . . ,

  • Do you want children that don't believe in God?
    <If so, marry this man.>

It's just about that simple. More than ever, children need parents who are strong in the faith to raise them to know the Lord and follow Him, especially when the world makes it difficult.
This man is a model for how your children will be.

It's not about you and him; it's about the family you create together. Marriage is for family so my advice is find a man that shares the same vision for family.


Bob Kirby

InLoveWithACatholic. . . replied:

Hi Bob,

Thank you for your advice.

My parents said the exact same thing but I guess sometimes I need to hear it from someone outside of my circle. You're right, I need someone who will be a role model for my kids and share my moral values more than my interests. I don't see a meaningful life without my faith. It's my faith that has kept me going all along.

I called the relationship off today. I need to pray hard to move on properly.

  • Would any of you suggest any prayers which will help me through this?
  • Also any special prayer for meeting the right partner?

Thank you so much again,

InLoveWithACatholic. . .

Bob replied:

InLoveWithACatholic. . . ,

You are courageous and a woman of strength. You will be fine and God will see you through this.

I would do an Internet search for prayers for finding a spouse and see if anything jumps out at you. Other than that, pray the Rosary — it is the most powerful prayer I know.



InLoveWithACatholic. . . replied:

Thank you Bob.

Thank you all.


InLoveWithACatholic. . .

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