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Jes wrote:

Hi, guys —

  • Is it sin to have a girlfriend before marriage?

I am not having sexual relationship with her but she is still my girlfriend.


  { Is it sin to have a girlfriend before marriage if you are not having sexual relations with her? }

Mike replied:

Hi Jes,

Let me preface by saying that I am answering as a single man.

You said:

  • Is it sin to have a girlfriend before marriage?

I am not having sexual relationship with her but she is still my girlfriend.

No way is it a sin! It is the normal Christian way to develop friendships as we develop our social and spiritual network within our Church, society, and culture.

Based on what family and friends have told me, if we feel called to the married life, there will be that longing in our souls for that woman with which we cannot live our life’s without. The same is true for a woman who has a strictly spiritual relationship with her boyfriend.

With the help of God’s grace and the sacrament of Marriage, we can have a lifetime of joy, sorrow, glory, and fun with our spouse and our children . . . all things Jesus experienced within His Family because He was a man like us in all things but sin.

Until we make that lifetime commitment, we should all strive toward a purity (having no sexual relationships before we seal our marital covenant) within the single life. Yeah, it's hard and difficult at times but keep doing the best you can and stay close to the sacrament of Confession.

What I can strongly suggest for couples thinking about getting married, based on reading many e-mail questions we have received over 20 years of dealing with various marital situations, is:

  • Do it right the first time and leave no marital issue concealed.
    It will probably save a lot of emotional and financial pain in the future, plus

  • Don't exclude faith and children issues; make them your first priority.
    Yeah, it can be difficult to work out but remember, whether a guy or a gal, there are always more that one fish in the gigantic lake of life. You may have to wait for another. Pray and discern who is best and whether to wait.

My colleagues, both who are single and married, make have a different take, but that’s mine.

I hope this helps,


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