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Ashley Tuitt wrote:

Hi, guys —

I'm a 15-year-old girl and I have made up my mind that I want to save myself for marriage.
It may be a long time before I can even think about marriage.

  • What tips can you give me to abstain from this sex-craved world we live in?

I have noticed that casual sex is a normal thing these days and people don't care about virginity and chastity any more. It's all about meeting someone and then having sex. Soon after, no one cares about who they are having sex with or what gender their having sex with.

I don't understand how society went from:

  • women holding on to their virginity and men respecting the woman's desires, to
  • just meeting someone in a bar and going to their place to have sex.

This has me very confused as I have heard sex before marriage is a sin.

  • Is it really a sin?
  • Should I wait until marriage?
  • Is it really worth it?


  { Is sex before marriage really a sin, should I wait, and is it really worth waiting? }

Bob replied:


Thanks for writing.

Yes, sex outside of marriage is a sin and you should wait.

Sex is the supreme act you can give of yourself to anyone. It represents all of your life-giving power and, at the same time, your intimacy, vulnerability, and caring.

It was never meant to be casual. It was meant for loving couples, joined by God in a Sacred Bond, to create a relationship that has the potential to join God in His Act of Creation.

Good sex is married sex. Every study that looks at sexual satisfaction finds that women (and men) have the best sex in marriage and there are good, natural reasons for that. You can find out more about this with time.

  • How do you deal with the desire and temptation?

First, know yourself. Make a commitment to yourself and God, and maybe another witness, to wait. Some choose a chastity ring or some other sign of their commitment. That way you know what you are doing and it is clear. If you aren't committed, you will fail before you even begin.

When dating, stick to group dates and avoid alone, one-on-one time and certainly don't buy into the non-sense that you have to be in a steady relationship to date at all. Keep it casual until you are ready to find a mate.

There are some great videos on you-tube by Jason Evert. I suggest you check them out. He and his wife do an awesome job with teens on all these matters. Some people don't even date at all (at least not in the conventional sense) and end up in the best marriages.

In my life, I went from dating, to not dating, to engagement. Long story, but I read a book that talked me out of steady dating based on Christian principles and, as a result, I am celebrating about 18 years of a great marriage to my wife!

It won't be easy.

  • When you are young, the culture all around you is trying to form you in the way of the world.
  • Jesus wants to form us in His Way, which is very much counter cultural but the reward can't be calculated.

God bless,

Bob Kirby

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