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Maria wrote:

Hi, guys —

I am an 18-year-old female virgin and have a high libido. I started masturbating when I was around nine even before I knew what it was. It continued for years when I knew it was wrong and I tried to stop.

I have failed time and time again. Everything was good for a while but recently I have fallen again and I don't know what to do. I want to get married so I don't have to go through this.

  • How do I control this when my body acts up?

Today I found hope in the House of God. A handicapped teen wanted to receive the sacred sacrament and his actions touched me. Now I am more determined that with God's grace I won't give into temptation.

Please pray for me as I live with this struggle.

Thank you.

Maria

  { What does an 18-year-old female virgin do with a high libido and how do I control my body? }

Bob replied:

Maria,

Your struggle is more common with boys than girls but it definitely is not uncommon.

Your habit is hard to break because the act releases chemicals in your brain that are a powerful drug. You can become hooked on it, just like people are hooked on nicotine, caffeine, cocaine, or any drug.

While this may be discouraging, there is hope, but you have to be forgiving of yourself. You may have started this when something was very difficult in your life and you needed comfort or good feelings. Even children masturbate when they discover their body's power to distract them from the hard things in life. Try sometime called active imagination exercise. Imagine your younger self and be sympathetic to her, offer her comfort and encouragement, and forgiveness, then watch how your view of yourself begins to heal and change. Over time, this kind of meditation can bring healing.

Marriage is not a cure for the wound that brought this issue out, but it can give you a good context for your sexuality and the fulfillment of your sexual desires. Don't mistake this as simply high libido. It is a wound which needs healing and overtime will happen.

Though you may often feel unlovable, when you fall, just go to God quickly and let Him love you anyway. It's a matter of patience, patience, and more patience. Eventually you will find peace and healing and you and some wonderful man will make a beautiful family and you can then look back and laugh about this.

Peace,

Bob Kirby

Mike replied:

Maria,

You may want to check out some of the postings in our database under the Frequently Asked Questions:

Lust, sins of the flesh, concupiscence and similar issues related to illnesses

Mike

Please report any and all typos or grammatical errors.
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