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Carol Convaildation wrote:

Hi, guys —

I have just received a letter stating that my first marriage is annulled! (Praise God). I was:

  • divorced in 2004
  • began the annulment process in 2007
  • was remarried in 2009 (to hubby number 2), and
  • in August of 2013 my annulment was granted.

Unfortunately, it took so long because of witnesses. I have been waiting for the day I could participate fully in the Mass and in being a Catholic in all forms. Now that my husband and I can have our marriage blessed, he seems a little apprehensive. We do have our fair share of arguments just as any married couple but my love for him is so very deep that nothing would ever keep me from standing before God and making that sacrament of love with him in the Church. When I received the letter about the annulment I began speaking with our priest about what the next steps would be in order to get our marriage blessed.

Shockingly, my husband told me he wanted to wait. I'm more than willing to wait as long as he wants because I obviously don't see something he does or maybe he just has cold feet but I've waited so long to feel whole again with my faith and now I feel like I'm back where I started.

Now that my first marriage was annulled I am still living in sin because we are married civilly but not in the eyes of the Church. I know that my husband and I should not be having sexual relations. We actually haven't had any since the annulment was granted.

I want to tell him that we will not have sexual relations until our marriage is blessed but I'm afraid. I'm afraid that he will then agree to have our marriage blessed just for that one reason.
I want him to have our marriage blessed because his love for me is so deep and his faith his so strong.

  • Can you help me with words of wisdom on how to handle this situation?


  { Though I just received my annulment, my husband now has cold feet, so what do you recommend? }

Fr. Jonathan replied:

Dear Carol,

You and your priest should explore whether or not your marriage can be sanated.

It depends on your husband's reason for having cold feet. If he has cold feet because he has doubts about being married to you then it is best not to do anything but to explore it — perhaps joint counseling is best.

If your husband has cold feet simply because he doesn't want to do the ceremony or because he thinks that there is nothing to validate (i.e. your civil wedding was good enough), then the priest can help her ask the bishop for a radical sanation.

See Canons 1161-1165. I don't have certain books with me but I know enough from memory to send you in this direction.

Fr. Jonathan

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