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Timothy wrote:

Hi, guys —

My name is Timothy. I am a 20-year-old who has been born and raised a Catholic. I am really trying to understand my faith better. I have been dating an amazing young lady for two years now. She's been there for me through all my ups and downs from losing loved ones to my health issues but she is a Mormon.

We usually don't talk about our faith but her family has tried to convert me. We talked about it the other night but it just ended up with her getting upset with me. She also brought up marriage and told me that she doesn't want to marry unless it is in the temple. She explained everything to me including being married forever. While being with your family forever does sound good, it's not good enough to give up what I believe in as a Catholic.

  • So my question you good folks is:

    • How do I tell her that what she believes in is not correct, and
    • That her faith has many false doctrine and false prophets without getting her upset?

I'm afraid that if I tell her, the relationship will spiral down. I don't know what to do and would appreciate some sound advice.

  • How do I approach the situation without it getting too hostile, and
  • What are some things I can show her to witness how Mormonism is wrong?

She will not listen to anything anti-Mormon talk.

Thank you for you time and patience for hearing me out.

One love and God Bless,

Timothy

  { How do I tell my Mormon girlfriend that her faith has many false doctrines and false prophets? }

Bob replied:

Timothy,

I can sense your desire to make this work, but stop and ask the Lord what He wants for you and her.

  • Would you be okay with just remaining friends and being led elsewhere?

Seek Him out on this first.

There is no way to confront the differences without upsetting her. It is already emotionally charged because of your mutual feelings and therefore you cannot have a simply neutral analytical conversation about the matter without invoking the inherent tension.

Try being just friends and see where that leads you — if God is behind your aspirations He will work it out, but you need to create the space and climate for that to happen.

Lastly, you are still very young and have plenty of time to establish yourself before becoming serious about marriage.

God bless you,

Bob Kirby

Mike replied:

Dear Timothy,

Based on what I have learned from my colleagues, I don't believe any one would question that Mormons, in general, are great family people with excellent family values. As a Catholic Christian though, we have to remember the importance of the Sacrament of Baptism in the Catholic faith. It makes us part of Jesus' Body. Really!

I'm sure your girlfriend is a fine, warm woman and has a good heart based on how she has been raised but there is the problem. — based on how she has been raised.

There is no appreciation among Mormons of the importance of a valid Trinitarian Baptism and even Mormon church elders will tell you that they do not baptize in the Trinity according to the Church. Without Christian baptism, we can't say Mormons are part of the Body of Christ, meaning we can't say they are Christians, thought it amazes me what they do with the actual graces they receive.

Actual graces refer to God's interventions, whether at the beginning of conversion or in the course of the work of sanctification. (CCC 2000)

There is also no appreciation of the sacramental life of the Church, our spiritual dynamite.

We should never date or court someone that we wouldn't consider marrying and the fact that you never talk about faith issues with her would be a big problem down the road. How would the fruit of your love, your children, be raised?:

  • as Mormons, or
  • as Catholics

In order to consummate a valid Catholic marriage, you would have to promise to raise your children Catholic. She wouldn't have to make any promise thought she would have to agree to be a witness and not interfere with your obligations. The Church can't baptize any infant, unless there is a good hope they will be raised Catholic.

You said:

  • So my question you good folks is:

    • How do I tell her that what she believes in is not correct, and
    • That her faith has many false doctrine and false prophets without getting her upset?

I'm afraid that if I tell her, the relationship will spiral down. I don't know what to do and would appreciate some sound advice.

Two years is a long time. I know because I dated my girlfriend for two years before we broke up. If you value your faith, you have to be willing:

  • to let go of the relationship
  • break up
  • let her find someone else
  • while you find someone with basic Christian values.

Tell her in charity that you wish to break up and search for another Catholic woman who understands and appreciates the Catholic values you do. There's no reason you can't still be friends but if you value your faith, anything further than occasionally crossing paths would not work out plus as Bob said, you're only 20 years old — there much more of life that the Lord has planned for you. Just keep on the socially active side, especially with local Catholic groups. If there are none at your parish, ask the pastor if you can start one!

I do find it disappointing that her family is trying to convert you. One should always give good reasons to join a faith but always respect the free will of individuals to decide on their own.
That is always what we have tried to do on this web site.

If they have been doing more than this, it may tell you something about the things to come and what would be expected from you in any future marriage to their Mormon daughter. There may even be certain things they would expect from you that they haven't talked with you about yet.

You said:

  • What are some things I can show her to witness how Mormonism is wrong?

She will not listen to anything anti-Mormon talk.

Here are some related postings you may find interesting, especially the last part of the second posting.

  1. Are Mormons Christians?
  2. Why would you question whether Mormons are Christians, when they are Christians?

Sharing with a believer what their own faith believes is not anti-any faith. It is just showcasing their faith in the same way a non-Catholic would try to show me that a portion of the Catechism of the Catholic Church was wrong.

I hope this helps,

Mike

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