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Confused wrote:

Hi, guys —

I recently switched Catholic parishes after eighteen years of being in the same parish.

My former Catholic parish hired a gentleman as a cantor who is also a director of a gay mens choir. This gay men's choir has a web site with the gentleman's picture on it conducting the choir.
He is a regular cantor now at my former parish. I informed the pastor only to be dismissed as being uncompassionate and over-reacting.

In my letter to the pastor, I explained that I would not have a problem with the gentleman singing as long as he gave up his position as the director of the gay men's choir. The web page promotes "Gay Pride to the Straight World". I have lost Catholic friends over this issue because they think I am being judgemental. I joined another parish, but to be honest, the only thing that is keeping me Catholic right now is my belief in the Holy Eucharist and the sacrament of Reconciliation.

  • Was I wrong in bringing this up?
  • Do I owe these people an apology?

By the way, the only reason why I knew the guy was in this choir was because it was published in our local news paper.

  • Please give me some guidance and advice.

This happened almost a year ago and it still really bothers me.

Thanks for you help.


  { Was I wrong in notifying my pastor that our new cantor is a director of a gay mens choir? }

Mike replied:

Dear Confused,

You did the right thing for the right reason. Ask the Lord, in prayer, where He wants you to serve Him.

It is a sad situation that many in our Church:

  • don't know the faith
  • or if they know the faith, have repudiated and rejected it
  • or are scared to stand up for it.

Most of the time this is because many in our culture are addicted to same sex habits and would rather choose an unhealthy lifestyle, physically and spiritually, than change their behavior.
I'm sorry for the poor example of a pastor you had at your previous parish; it is sad when priests cave into the truth, mainly, for the desire to be liked. Certainly the Early Church Fathers didn't think this way; they would have died for traditional marriage between one man and one woman rather than accept homosexual activity.

The only thing I would have done, and you can still do this, is write a letter the bishop of diocese. This is proper because you have already talked with the pastor first and have gotten nowhere. After you write a letter, telling him the situation and your lack of progress with the pastor,
let it go.

You said:
I have lost Catholic friends over this issue because they think I am being judgmental.

This phony argument always drives me crazy. We all make judgments in life!

When driving in a car we have to discern a red light from a green light, from a yellow light.
We have to make judgments of what color the traffic light is. What they mean is impute guilt.

No one can judge (meaning impute guilt, or give reasons for why they behave as they do) except the Lord at our particular judgment. We can't get inside another person's head.

  • Since you want what is best for your friends, spiritually and physically, what's wrong with telling them what you think is best for them?

Sure it's judgmental. It's your judgment of what is best for them.

The point is many times people purposely tie the two together:

  1. imputing guilt or giving reasons for why they behave as they do, with
  2. telling them what you think is best for them.

You have to separate them and tell them, in charity, what you think is best for them.

You can give them your opinion, but you can't shove your best advice down their throat; they have to freely choose it.

You said:

  • Was I wrong in bringing this up?

No you were not; I'd write a letter to the bishop and move on with your life.

You said:

  • Do I owe these people an apology?

No you don't; you owe them your prayers. They need them.

You said:
I joined another parish, but to be honest, the only thing that is keeping me Catholic right now is my belief in the Holy Eucharist and the sacrament of Reconciliation.

Bingo! Despite any scandalous examples or people we run into in the Church, both these sacraments mend and increase sanctifying grace in our souls. I've been hurt many times by immature pastors and priests, but I allow the Lord in the Sacrament of Confession and the Eucharist to heal me. Yes, sometimes the process can be slow but you will heal if you persevere and stay close to the sacraments.

Hope this helps,


Confused replied:

Dear Mike, Bob, Eric, Mary Ann and Paul,

Thanks for your advice and response.
I will write a letter to the Bishop and let you know if I get a response.

I appreciate your work.



Mary Ann replied:


This is a fairly common situation. It is good that you found a parish that is not giving liturgical functions to someone who is publicly homosexual.

Given the current state of our world and our Church, unfortunately, I think that is all that can be done.

Write to the bishop, if you wish, telling him of the lack of good catechesis among your former friends, and of the scandal of this situation, but don't expect much in return.

God bless.

— Mary Ann

Confused replied:

Hi Mary Ann,

Thank you for your response.

I know about writing to the bishop. A friend warned me that the bishop in our diocese is on the liberal side so I am praying and discerning whether I should write or not.

The current parish that I am in has problems also but I have become good friends with the Director of Religious Education who is a very strong Catholic; he believes in the Catechism and the dogmas of the Church, the way there were intended to be understood.

I have volunteered to help teach Catechism classes. I figure one way to beat these heresies and scandals is to teach the young the truth, just like you do through your web site!

If anything changes in my situation through the Bishop, I will let you know.

Thanks again and God-Bless,


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