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Adam Anonymous wrote:

Hi, guys —

I am a smart 17-year old guy who loves riding motorcycles. I am Catholic and a male model.

I've been dating my girlfriend, Anna Anonymous for four years. She is a model too, and we have been sexually active. I have always dreamt of being a male porn star; I like the lifestyle and enjoy watching adult films. My girlfriend Anna knows about this and wants to be a porn star too because modeling is satisfying.

  • How can we get our choice to be accepted by our faith?

We want to do this for a living, without people seeing us as bad people. We would also like to start a family as well. When we have children, we will support whatever their career decision is, including if they want to be adult film stars like us.

  • What is wrong with porn?
Adam
  { How can we get our decision to be porn stars accepted by the Church? }

Paul replied:

Dear, Adam —

For the sake of providing a response, I will assume this is not a joke.

From the little you wrote, it is pretty evident that your mind has been somewhat hijacked by the sin of the modern world regarding the sixth commandment. It is God's will, as the Church authoritatively teaches, that sexual activity must be saved and reserved exclusively for marriage.

Marriage, which is the life-long vow of commitment before God and the community making two persons one flesh, is the only moral place for sexual expression; all other alternatives fall into the realm of mortal sin. Mortal sin cuts off one's relationship with God and merits the fires of Hell.
It is sincere repentance, with the sacrament of Confession, that restores the union of friendship with God.

For minds that have been co-opted by the modern secular world, and of course the number of people who have been co-opted is countless, this seems difficult to accept; for modern culture has been built upon lust and materialism. Nevertheless, the grace received from the sacraments of Penance, the Eucharist, and from a regular routine of Mass attendance, can restore one's life to one that is pleasing to God. The sacrament of Confession is always there for God's forgiveness whenever we fall from our resolution to sin no more. God is not only Justice, but Mercy too.

Therefore fornication (pre-marital sex) as well as pornography, watching it or participating in it, are matters of mortal sin that one must resolve to try and eliminate from one's life. There is no place for lust, nor any of the other seven deadly sins, in a friendship with God.

Pornography has become a significant part of the culture since the internet revolution. Fornication (pre-marital sex) became part of the cultural norm, a couple of decades before that, from the sexual revolution, stemming from the invention of the pill.  Both these revolutions are sinful, destructive, and demonic in their attempt to destroy souls, families, lives, and society.

This may seem radical to you, and that is understandable in the context of the radicalized world that you have been brought up in, that has objectively rejected God, by rejecting His Sixth Commandment.  Remember though that Jesus told us that He has overcome the world and has given us the grace to do the same. This is our challenge as Christians that love God.

  • Which do we choose, God or self?

That is what salvation is all about, and why the Church exists.

One last thought. You asked "How do we get our choice accepted by our faith." To be clear, our aim is to be accepted by God, and although He will always love us, we do not love Him by rejecting His truth. Our goal cannot be the acceptance of our friends or the greater society around us. Whenever you are on God's side you are in the majority.

Thanks for the question and feel free to write back if you desire.

Peace,

Paul

Eric replied:

Adam —

Porn is wrong because it promotes the "objectivization" of human beings.

  • What is this?

It's the process of treating a human being like an object — someone you use, not a person you seek for their own sake.

A man who looks at porn isn't seeking to "get to know" the woman as a person. He's not seeking to love her as a human being. He doesn't care about who she is, and he certainly isn't offering his life for her as the Scripture says a husband should do for his wife in Ephesians, chapter 5.

  • He's doing what?

Satisfying his own desires. He's being selfish, in other words — using her to gratify his own flesh.
This is not love — in the true, self-giving sense. It may be eroticism, it may be lust, but it isn't love.

The union of a husband and wife is holy — this is why Christ made marriage a sacrament. It's the way in which a couple totally and unreservedly give themselves to each other, so much so that their love may become another life. There is no room for selfishness in this act. It's not an act where, again, the end goal is to satisfy your lusts — the goal is to love your wife and seek her as a person:

  • as she unselfishly gives you pleasure, and
  • you unselfishly give her pleasure, and
  • both of you experience pleasure, as a happy side-effect of seeking one another.

Thus human sexuality reaches its true purpose and fulfillment, and so does the joy of the experience. It is not, to be crass, mutual masturbation, where in using each other, each seeks [his or her] own pleasure.

If you have sex with your girlfriend because it makes you feel good, then you're totally on the wrong track.

  • Tell me, how can this be true love?

Lust, yes; but not love.

Pray on this —

  • Pray to be able to truly love your girlfriend for who she is, and not for the pleasure she provides you.
  • Pray to be able to offer your life for her in every way.
  • Pray to know and understand God's teachings on sexuality.
  • Pray also, to do God's will — give your life to Christ, accept Him as Lord of your life and seek to know what He wants and do it.
  • Open your heart to Him and be willing to give up everything that stands between you and a relationship with Christ.

Here's a good book that may help you:

Eric

Adam replied:

Hello, Paul —

No, my question is not a joke. We look up to these adult film stars:

  • Evan Stone
  • Jenna Jameson
  • and so on.

We see them as our heroes, and read their memoirs. Jenna Jameson is the world's most famous adult film and she is Catholic. She also got married in a Roman Catholic service and her husband, at that time, was a porn star as well, though they are now divorced. 

We plan to do this for twenty years or maybe after we have children. We love the lifestyle and feel we are desired and wanted. It feels like family and maybe it is. It's my life and I just want to be accepted.

Adam

Paul replied:

Adam,

Be sure to hit "Reply to All" when you respond so all of us here can give our two cents in trying to help you.

I would just add that if porn stars are your heroes by virtue of their work in pornography, a work that destroys countless souls, (rather than their repentance and rejection of it) then the devil must be happy.

Lust, fornication and masturbation are not pleasing to God, who designed us for permanent and exclusive marital love, open to life. These contradictions of our nature keep people from knowing God and seeing reality, in general, for what it is. It blinds the soul. It is a major stumbling block to both wisdom and joy, and perhaps just as addictive as heroin.

I would suggest taking steps, small ones, if necessary, to wean yourself off this realm of Satan. Take advantage of the needed sacraments of Confession and Holy Communion in the process.

God will bring you into the realm of freedom and true happiness, but only if you let Him.

Paul

Adam replied:

Hi, Paul —

Porn stars are my heroes. Everyone I know wants to be an adult film star as well. It's a tough job; you're:

  • always working
  • always on the road, and
  • you have to be physically fit.

I do not see how this vocation destroys someone's soul.

  • Is masturbation wrong as well?
  • Would we still be accepted by the Church if we did adult films exclusively between us with no one else?
  • Would it be wrong if me and Anna were independent porn stars who met doing a scene together then we fell in love with each other?
  • Would it be wrong if Anna got an enhancement?

Adam

Paul replied:

Adam,

Again, if you could remember, please hit the "Reply to All" button when you respond.

Everything you mention, again, would be condemned by the Church, which means it is condemned by Christ. They are not matters of minor sins, but major ones.

If you don't want to believe us, perhaps you'll believe the authority of Christ through Catechism of the Catholic Church. Here are some quotes verbatim from the Catechism.

2354 Pornography consists in removing real or simulated sexual acts from the intimacy of the partners, in order to display them deliberately to third parties. It offends against chastity because it perverts the conjugal act, the intimate giving of spouses to each other. It does grave injury to the dignity of its participants (actors, vendors, the public), since each one becomes an object of base pleasure and illicit profit for others. It immerses all who are involved in the illusion of a fantasy world. It is a grave offense. Civil authorities should prevent the production and distribution of pornographic materials.

2352 By masturbation is to be understood the deliberate stimulation of the genital organs in order to derive sexual pleasure. "Both the Magisterium of the Church, in the course of a constant tradition, and the moral sense of the faithful have been in no doubt and have firmly maintained that masturbation is an intrinsically and gravely disordered action." "The deliberate use of the sexual faculty, for whatever reason, outside of marriage is essentially contrary to its purpose." For here sexual pleasure is sought outside of "the sexual relationship which is demanded by the moral order and in which the total meaning of mutual self-giving and human procreation in the context of true love is achieved."

To form an equitable judgment about the subjects' moral responsibility and to guide pastoral action, one must take into account the affective immaturity, force of acquired habit, conditions of anxiety or other psychological or social factors that lessen, if not even reduce to a minimum, moral culpability.

2351 Lust is disordered desire for or inordinate enjoyment of sexual pleasure. Sexual pleasure is morally disordered when sought for itself, isolated from its procreative and unitive purposes.

2353 Fornication is carnal union between an unmarried man and an unmarried woman. It is gravely contrary to the dignity of persons and of human sexuality which is naturally ordered to the good of spouses and the generation and education of children. Moreover, it is a grave scandal when there is corruption of the young.

Paul

Mike replied:

Dear, Adam —

I just wanted to add to the fine comments my colleagues have made.

I do feel sorry for the radicalized, immoral world that you have been brought up in. Cultural situations, similar to the one you and Anna are in, tend to view the Catholic Church as the
"Church of No". This is incorrect and misleading; the Church and Her teachings are their for our own well-being and salvation.

The Catholic Church is the Church of Divine Logic and Love, not the Church of No.

Everything Jesus and His Church teaches to this day is for you and Anna's well-being and salvation.

You said:

  • How can we get our choice to be accepted by our faith?

The question you have asked is similar to saying:

  • How can we get the Church to accept our decision to step into oncoming traffic on a major highway with vehicles going over 80 MPH?

It makes no sense unless you want to hurt yourself. The only reason it appears to make sense is because:

  • many young Catholics in the Church have been poorly catechized by their parents, and
  • due to our fallen nature, we all struggle with concupiscence, and will continue to struggle with it, until we are 6 feet under the ground : )

It also appears that the ambitions both you and Anna have, contradict each other. You have said that both of you wish to be porn stars.

One cannot "get hooked" in a lifestyle of selfish self-love and, at the same time, give oneself to their spouse. One is a vocation of selfishness to your own lust; one is a vocation of selflessness to your future wife.

The family lifestyle is one of sacrifice, many times painful, from start to finish.

Nevertheless, just like Jesus' Family Life, it has:

  • Joyous moments
  • Luminous moments
  • Suffering moments, and
  • Glorious moments

It's not a life of 100% pain and suffering.

It mirrors the Father giving us everything in His Son and, in return, the Son giving back to the Father. The power of the love, between the Father and the Son is so strong, it generates the
Holy Spirit, the fruit of your love: the children you and Anna plan to have together.

You said:
We plan to do this for twenty years or maybe after we have children.

The fact that both you and Anna are entertaining being porno stars, after having children, tells me neither of you understand what family life entails. As my mother, Dorothy, who recently passed away said,

"Michael, It's a lifetime commitment."

You said:
Jenna Jameson is the world's most famous adult film and she is Catholic. She also got married in a Roman Catholic service.

Come on Adam. I'm sure you and Anna know that there are many scandalous Catholics in the Church that are Catholic "in name only". Just because someone scandalizes the faith, doesn't mean it is OK to follow their scandalous lead.

Like I have told my niece and nephews, ages 10 to 20:

"In today's culture, if you are not a leader, by default you are a follower."

Don't be a follower Adam.
Don't be a follower Anna.

Lead with Catholic Christian words, actions and principles.

  • Could you be mocked?

Sure, but so was Jesus, so your in good company : )

You said:
We love the lifestyle and feel we are desired and wanted. It feels like family and maybe it is.

  • Is there sacrifice involved in this family?

If not, it is not family, but just a "feel good" community of like-minded people.

You said:
When we have children, we will support whatever their career decision is, including if they want to be adult film stars like us.

As a father and mother it will be both your responsibility's to bring them up with Catholic Christian values.

  • If they don't get solid Christian values from well-catechized Catholic parents, do you think those in the pornography world are going to provide it?
  • Are you prepared to accept the responsibility of bringing new life into the world, a manifestation of your love for each other, without instilling the proper Christian values in your children?

This doesn't necessarily have to do with obeying the teachings of a Church you don't want to follow.

Society, itself, legally requires certain responsibilities from the parents to ensure the children, you and Anna bring forth, are cared for appropriately, at the federal, state and local levels.

Both of you should buy a copy of the Catechism of the Catholic Church. If you think that's too much, try the Compendium to the Catechism. It's in a question and answer format.

Also check out YouCat. It's the new Catechism for young adults that was initiated and approved by the Vatican. It's also in a question and answer format.

Both of you should also check out:

The Courage Apostolate <http://www.couragerc.net>

Adam, if you truly love Anna, as a unique person, with your mind, and not only your body, you will start praying the Rosary [prayers of the Rosary] together as a couple. Both of you should get to Confession and attend Mass on a regular basis as my colleagues have suggested.

Hope this helps, and as Paul said, feel free to write back and reply.

Mike

Adam replied:

Hello Mike

I want Anna and I to be accepted by our faith and our families, but we still want to be adult film stars.

Like I asked Paul:

  • Would we still be accepted by the Church if we did adult films exclusively between us with no one else?
  • Would it be wrong if me and Anna were independent porn stars who met doing a scene together then we fell in love with each other?
  • Would it be wrong if Anna got an enhancement?

It's just work. We would just be making a living; it's not a bad job and it's not as if we are being selfish.

In addition, it's pleasing to her, myself and others.

Adam

Mike replied:

Dear Adam,

If you are 17 and Anna is a similar age, by this time the Lord has given both, you and Anna, the logic and reasoning behind the various parts of both your bodies and how they were meant to compliment each other.

No matter what choices you make, the Church and its members will always love you (in the true sense of love) and be praying for both, you and Anna.

Nevertheless, as I implied in my last reply, because the Catholic Church was founded by Christ Himself and is the Church of Divine Logic and Love, the Church can never, and will never, accept you and Anna being a porn star.

Suggesting that your vocation would be exclusively between you and Anna, and would exclude others, sounds like you are rationalizing a lesser of two grave evils. (not much of a lesser evil.)

Sorry, my good friend, it doesn't work that way. The Lord is interested in every single aspect of your body and soul and Anna's body and soul.

You said:

  • Would it be wrong if Anna got an enhancement?

I think this posting will help answer your question. The short answer: For a medical necessity, No; in order to visually please both you and your pimp's, Yes.

You said:
It's just work. We would just be making a living; it's not a bad job and it's not as if we are being selfish.

In addition, it's pleasing to her, myself and others.

You are rationalizing what you are doing. It's not work; you get paid for it, but that doesn't mean it's work.

It's pleasure, outside its intended purpose, and you know it. The Lord designed the bodies of both the male and female to work together to bring forth new life. You initially started your question by saying:

I am a smart 17 year old guy who loves riding motorcycles.

  • Don't you want to be able to be co-creators with Almighty God and bring forth NEW life that never existed without your cooperation with Him?
  • If you value Anna so much, and value what you see in her, then wouldn't you want to bring forth new lives that have the traits of both you and Anna?
  • If you really think you are smart, don't you want to be able to pass on your smart-ness to future generations?
  • If Anna values your smart-ness, wouldn't she want this as well?

The people you are associated with will do everything they can to keep you and Anna in this lifestyle. Both you deserve better.

Apart from the moral reasons not to be a porn star, are the obviously health and medical reasons associated with this vocation.

  • What ever you do, how much can you trust a "friend" to keep you safe from diseases like
    H-I-V or AIDs?
  • How long do you wish to live?

Cradle Catholics can learn a lot from converts to the Church. I certainly have. When Scott Hahn,
a famous Presbyterian, came into the Church, he say about Catholics:

  • We are like Rockefeller's in the ghettos who don't know how to write out checks.

I believe the exact same thing is true with single men and women who have been addicted to the gay and lesbian lifestyle.

  • The Lord Jesus Christ, has created men and women and put the future of our Christian society into the procreative parts of their bodies.
  • God tells us in Genesis, "Go forth and multiple." [This is why I created you male and female; and not male and male; or female and female.]
  • Men and women who are addicted to the homosexual lifestyle are like the Rockefeller's in the ghettos.  They have the riches of the future in their bodies but have no appreciation for awesome possibility the Lord has given them to be co-creators with their Creator, Himself! God can't bring forth future generations on His own. Neither can two men and neither two women.
  • It requires a trinity of joy, light, sorrow, and glory among God, the Christian man and the Christian woman; all three of them working in unison.

Jesus established His Church over 2,000 years ago. Since then, there has been generation after generation of people who have brought forth the next generation. In doing so, many have brought forth the Catholic Gospel of Jesus Christ through the proper Christian upbringing of their children. Although, they may have only lived 60 to 90 years before passing to the next life, they have left something for the next generation that, hopefully, they can be proud of.

My question to both the gay man and lesbian in today's culture is:

  • When you pass from this life to the next, what will you be leaving for future generations that come after you?

Two men or two women, taking care of children from a broken family, while admirable, is not something they have given to the next generation; only their biological father and mother have.

My personal view is that men and women get caught up in a homosexual lifestyle due to:

  • a permissive, acceptable, environment they are in
  • a poor catechetical upbringing, and
  • bitter family relationships, usually with the father or mother.

We should never use any bitterness or, grudges we hold, against family members as a means of getting back at them. This is not a way to get back at people who have hurt us whether they are our father, mother or both. Bitterness and grudges should be brought to Confession. If either a gay man or lesbian reads this, and is not a Catholic, go to a priest any way and ask for a blessing.

One of the best things I love about being a Catholic Christian is that when anyone hurts us, or something bad happens in our life, there is always a future good that can be pulled out of a hurt past.

If gay men and lesbians hold on to their hurt past, they are giving up on the greater good God has in store for them.

Mike

Paul replied:

Adam,

Your continuous theme seems to be acceptance. God invites, we accept. The question should be:

  • Am I accepting God by doing this?

We reject God with mortal sin. Which means we reject His friendship and eternal salvation by knowingly choosing mortal sin. Because of this, we cannot go up to receive Holy Communion while being in a state of serious sin. It's a contradiction to willingly reject God with our actions and seek to be intimate with Him in Communion. This comes down to being a choice between God and self.

Not only is doing pornography a matter of mortal sin, but watching it is too. All sex outside of marriage is mortal sin. God has made this clear. Sexual sin tends to blind the mind and soul so it is difficult to understand moral truth when living in the midst of it.

God invites, but we have the free will to reject Him. The important question we should always be asking is:

  • Are we living in accord with God's will?

Whenever we honestly answer No, Jesus awaits us in the merciful Sacrament of Reconciliation, where, with sincere sorrow and a resolution to sin no more, that relationship with Him and His offer of salvation may be restored.

Peace,

Paul

Adam replied:

Hi, guys —

The actors are only sharing a scene with the actors. It's only acting; its not love, but only sex. There is no emotion. It's story telling or creating someone else's desire or fantasy.

  • Is it wrong to encourage the children we have down the road to get into this industry as well?

Our children have to accept or understand what we did for a living. We see no bad consequences with this vocation.

It's not like I killed someone; I am only making myself happy. I have not sold my soul to the devil. We respect our bodies and take care of them as well. We are models, and are not overweight.

She is the one for me and God knows that I do pray the Rosary. Its a job, it's not about pleasure, its being a film star and, at the end of the day, we may be big stars that may lead into different careers e.g. Medical.  Porn stars get tested monthly for HIV; we want to live a long life too.

We have self respect and dignity for each other and I honor her body.

It's about two people who are in love, sharing one another's soul, spirit, and mind. We love to have the attention we have as models.

Tom

Mike replied:

Hi, Adam —

You said:
The actors are only sharing a scene with the actors, its only acting; its not love, but only sex, there is no emotion.

This is called using other people, like Anna, as an object of your  pleasure, not as a wife who you are willing to sacrifice your life for. You say you want to marry Anna in the future, but I sense you really have no idea what marriage entails.

You said:

  • Is it wrong to encourage the children we have down the road to get into this industry as well?

Our children have to accept or understand what we did for a living. We see there is no consequences.

Yes, it is wrong, because you will be teaching them that Christian marriage and passing on Christian values is not important. You will be teaching them that "All you have to do in life is feel good, even if it destroys today's culture and the next generation." We see this today. Those in the Gen X and Y generation are getting older but because many of their children have rejected Christian marriage, for the gay lifestyle, they have no children to care for them.

Plus, I have a question for you.

  • Who says your children have to accept what you and Anna do for a living?

They have their own free will and they may choose a vocation that is totally different than that of a porn star.

  • Maybe your children will want to become Catholic priests or Catholic nuns!

As I said earlier, you and Anna will be responsible for bringing them up with Catholic Christian values, but even if you do this, you can't force your sex-crazy lifestyle on them. It is their vocational calling, not either of yours.

You said:
Its not like I killed someone; I am only making myself happy and I have not sold my soul to the devil. We respect our bodies, we take care of it as well, we are models and not overweight.

The lifestyle you are choosing will kill your soul over time, and get you into habits that are very hard to break plus:

  • How do you know that you have not sold your soul to the devil?
  • Are your pornography directors, pimps and "family members", your pope?
  • Are you able to break from the decisions that your pornography directors and pimps expect you to make?

Maybe you and Anna are already addicted, but don't know it.

You said:
She is the one for me and God knows that I do pray the Rosary. Its a job, it's not about pleasure, its being a film star and at the end of the day we may be big stars that may lead into different careers e.g. Medical. 

We have self respect and dignity for each other and I honor her body.

  • Adam, if Anna is the one for you, why do you bring an array of gay men and women into your psychological life for your "acting", knowing full well that the psychological effects of a pornographic lifestyle, will detract from your focus on your future wife?
  • Is this the respect you want to show her?

You said:
Porn stars get tested monthly for HIV; we want to live a long life too.

Wake up Adam. There would be no need to get tested on a regular basis if this was not a healthy career for both you and your future wife.

As far as your the other "stars", I'm sure they think what they are doing is OK and maybe even Christian, but it is not.

If a mother entrusts her son to a cub scout leader and the leader takes them on a trip up a mountain, and the cub scout leader tells the cubs that they will be OK if they jump off a 25-foot cliff, does the sincerity of the leader that the cubs won't get hurt, mean anything, when one of them dies?

He sincerely thought no one would get hurt, but they did.

Your friends have not been catechized appropriately. Most of them are probably uncatechized Catholics who were never taught the faith correctly.

Even if your friends do Christian-like things and are "porn stars", this does not mean they have a well-formed Catholic Christian consciences, which is what everyone needs; Catholic Christians and non-Catholic Christians alike.

You said:
It's about two people who are in love, sharing one another's soul, spirit, and mind.

Which two?

  • the woman you acted with yesterday?
  • the different woman you acted with the day before yesterday?
  • the man you acted with last week?
  • Anna, who you acted with today?

You are showing no commitment.

As you said:
I am only making myself happy.

  • What happened to making Anna happy?
  • What happened to Anna making you happy? or,
  • Is she really committed to you and are you really committed to her?

Mike

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