Dear Ashley,

It is very difficult to have a marriage between a believing Catholic and a convicted Baptist. Baptists are anti-Catholic in belief, even if not hostile in attitude. (In other words, you can think the Church is the Whore of Babylon but love Catholics and want them to be saved.) If, in four years, you have not seriously discussed the content differences in your religions, then neither one of you knows his or her faith very much, nor cares very much about the content of his or her faith.

Four years is a long time to safely court. This should be a time when you truly devote yourself to learning your faith and your studies so as to be better prepared for life as adults.

You say marriage is only "a possibility" but not "anytime soon".  That means that after four years, neither of you know. Perhaps your relationship has become a habit or a crutch, something you are dependent on. Perhaps a marriage to this person is God's will, but you need to pray about this and give each the other some distance so that you can focus on these important things. If you see each other very frequently, such a long courtship can be a real occasion of sin.

God bless.

Mary Ann

Dear Ashley,

I must concur with the thoughts of Mary Ann. The pattern of relationship you speak of is one of the world inasmuch as you have "been together" with your "boyfriend" for four years.

The idea of a male and female "being together" in the Bible is found only in marriage. The more we are "together" with our boyfriend or girlfriend is the more we were "together" with someone else if we marry another in the future. Today's form of pre-marital "relationships" militates against the uniqueness and exclusivity of marriage. On the other hand, the sole goal of
pre-marital courting is to discern marriage with the other. The notion of "boyfriend" that is popular today is very different, and as Mary Ann stated can be a very dangerous occasion for sin.

Having said that, a marriage between a Catholic and non-Catholic can work, and it is allowable as long as both spouses promise to raise all children Catholic, but I wouldn't be one for recommending it. Since a person's basic beliefs about life and God, as well as one's religious practice, is at the core of their being, it can be very difficult to maintain a cohesive family unit without there being a similar religious conviction.

Feel free to comment further if you'd like to continue the conversation with us.

Peace,

Paul

Dear Ashley,

I just wanted to add a few things to the fine comments my colleagues have made.

If you truly love your boyfriend and want the best for him, you have to first make him aware of the big elephant in his life: a Church that does not exist.

• What do I mean?

Worldwide there are many sincere and good-hearted Christians, like your boyfriend, who hate the Catholic Church. The problem is, what they have been taught about the Church is generally untrue. Where they learn these distortions is unimportant. What is important is that there are sincere Christians who hate a Church that doesn't exist.

If your boyfriend truly loves you; he will respect what you believe as a practicing Catholic. At the same time, he has to acknowledge that being anti-Catholic is not a faith. Being Baptist is a faith.

• The Baptist faith was founded by John Smyth, a man, in 1609A.D.
• The Catholic faith was founded by Jesus Christ, the God-Man, one person, in 33A.D. almost 1,600 years earlier.

As my colleague Paul stated in his reply, mixed marriage are allowed and can work out, but there are obstacles based on the differences in the faith. Here is what the Catechism says on the issue:

1633 In many countries the situation of a mixed marriage (marriage between a Catholic and a baptized non-Catholic) often arises. It requires particular attention on the part of couples and their pastors. A case of marriage with disparity of cult (between a Catholic and a non-baptized person) requires even greater circumspection.

1634 Difference of confession[s of the faith] between the spouses does not constitute an insurmountable obstacle for marriage, when they succeed in placing in common what they have received from their respective communities, and learn from each other the way in which each lives in fidelity to Christ. But the difficulties of mixed marriages must not be underestimated. They arise from the fact that the separation of Christians has not yet been overcome. The spouses risk experiencing the tragedy of Christian disunity even in the heart of their own home. Disparity of cult can further aggravate these difficulties. Differences about faith and the very notion of marriage, [and] also different religious mentalities, can become sources of tension in marriage, especially as regards the education of children.
The temptation to religious indifference can then arise.

If your boyfriend loves you, he will be open-minded and find out what you believe as a Catholic.

Please share with him my FREE Catechism of the Catholic Church for Protestants and non-Catholics Program.

There is no obligation on his part, except to read what I send him, and pray over it, so he understands what we believe as Catholics.

He can register for one here:
http://www.askacatholic.com/CCCFPP

Hope this helps,

Mike